Thursday, August 25, 2005
Relationships...
What prompts this latest article is that Matt Lawyer (Today Show) acted typically during the discussion of Girl Crushes between Ann, and two other women guests, by asking and bringing up the issue of sex, even though it had already been stated by the female guest that sex was not even a consideration or on the minds of women. His feelings were that men do not think of each other in the terms that women do...(laffin--I simply do not suffer fools too well). Well here is an article that was published in the New York Times about the subject..enjoy.
She's So Cool, So Smart, So Beautiful: Must Be a Girl Crush
By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOMPublished: August 11, 2005THE woman's long black hair whipped across her pale face as she danced to punk rock at the bar. She seemed to be the life of the party. Little did she know that she was igniting a girl crush. Susan Buice was watching, and she was smitten.
Ms. Buice, 26, and the dancer (actually a clothing designer) happen to live in the same Brooklyn apartment building, so Ms. Buice, a filmmaker, was later able to soak up many other aspects of her neighbor's gritty yet feminine style: her layered gold necklaces; her fitted jackets; her dark, oversize sunglasses; and her Christian Dior perfume.
"I'm immediately nervous around her," Ms Buice said. "I stammer around her, and it's definitely because I think she's supercool."
Ms. Buice, who lives with her boyfriend, calls her attraction a girl crush, a phrase that many women in their 20's and 30's use in conversation, post on blogs and read in magazines. It refers to that fervent infatuation that one heterosexual woman develops for another woman who may seem impossibly sophisticated, gifted, beautiful or accomplished. And while a girl crush is, by its informal definition, not sexual in nature, the feelings that it triggers - excitement, nervousness, a sense of novelty - are very much like those that accompany a new romance.
This is not a new phenomenon. Women, especially young women, have always had such feelings of adoration for each other. Social scientists suspect such emotions are part of women's nature, feelings that evolution may have favored because they helped women bond with one another and work cooperatively. What's new is the current generation's willingness to express their ardor frankly.
"Historically, talking about these kinds of feelings has gone in and out of fashion," said Paula J. Caplan, a sociologist who this fall will teach a course about the psychology of sex and gender at Harvard. Women have not been this blunt in expressing their crushes for several generations, Dr. Caplan said.
The phenomenon has been little studied, but some social scientists say they are glad that it is being discussed more, because it can be a window into how women mature emotionally.
"It's a little bit like when you're in elementary school and you first fall in love with someone," said Leslie Hunt, 34, who manages an arts internship program in New York and who once had such a potent crush on woman that she became sweaty in her presence.
Still, a crush is a relatively mild form of infatuation. People have killed themselves over true love, said Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University who has written extensively on human love. Think of Romeo and Juliet. With a girl crush, Dr. Fisher said, "you won't kill yourself if she doesn't want to jump rope with you." For that reason, girl crushes can give women safe and valuable experience in the emotions of love.
Dr. Fisher, the author of "Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love," said girl crushes are as natural as any other kind of love. But they are romantic without being sexual. Love and lust are distinct urges, Dr. Fisher said.
This was one of the findings she and colleagues from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and the State University at Stony Brook made when they analyzed brain scans of people 18- to 26-years-old who were experiencing new love. Love and lust, it turned out, could be mapped to several separate parts of the brain.
"The brain system for romantic love is associated with intense energy, focused energy, obsessive things - a host of characteristics that you can feel not just toward a mating sweetheart," Dr. Fisher said, adding that "there's every reason to think that girls can fall in love with other girls without feeling sexual towards them, without the intention to marry them."
Wendy Lim, 26, a student at Harvard Business School, experienced such feelings about a year ago when she met another young woman in a Boston bar. The woman was open and outgoing, and when the evening was over, Ms. Lim very much wanted to talk to her again. "I remember at the end of the night wanting her phone number," Ms. Lim said, who felt awkward about asking. "I wouldn't ask a guy for his number."
As it turned out, the woman asked Ms. Lim for her number. The two saw each other again, and Ms. Lim's crush quickly blossomed into friendship, a friendship the women now cherish.
Keeper
She's So Cool, So Smart, So Beautiful: Must Be a Girl Crush
By STEPHANIE ROSENBLOOMPublished: August 11, 2005THE woman's long black hair whipped across her pale face as she danced to punk rock at the bar. She seemed to be the life of the party. Little did she know that she was igniting a girl crush. Susan Buice was watching, and she was smitten.
Ms. Buice, 26, and the dancer (actually a clothing designer) happen to live in the same Brooklyn apartment building, so Ms. Buice, a filmmaker, was later able to soak up many other aspects of her neighbor's gritty yet feminine style: her layered gold necklaces; her fitted jackets; her dark, oversize sunglasses; and her Christian Dior perfume.
"I'm immediately nervous around her," Ms Buice said. "I stammer around her, and it's definitely because I think she's supercool."
Ms. Buice, who lives with her boyfriend, calls her attraction a girl crush, a phrase that many women in their 20's and 30's use in conversation, post on blogs and read in magazines. It refers to that fervent infatuation that one heterosexual woman develops for another woman who may seem impossibly sophisticated, gifted, beautiful or accomplished. And while a girl crush is, by its informal definition, not sexual in nature, the feelings that it triggers - excitement, nervousness, a sense of novelty - are very much like those that accompany a new romance.
This is not a new phenomenon. Women, especially young women, have always had such feelings of adoration for each other. Social scientists suspect such emotions are part of women's nature, feelings that evolution may have favored because they helped women bond with one another and work cooperatively. What's new is the current generation's willingness to express their ardor frankly.
"Historically, talking about these kinds of feelings has gone in and out of fashion," said Paula J. Caplan, a sociologist who this fall will teach a course about the psychology of sex and gender at Harvard. Women have not been this blunt in expressing their crushes for several generations, Dr. Caplan said.
The phenomenon has been little studied, but some social scientists say they are glad that it is being discussed more, because it can be a window into how women mature emotionally.
"It's a little bit like when you're in elementary school and you first fall in love with someone," said Leslie Hunt, 34, who manages an arts internship program in New York and who once had such a potent crush on woman that she became sweaty in her presence.
Still, a crush is a relatively mild form of infatuation. People have killed themselves over true love, said Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University who has written extensively on human love. Think of Romeo and Juliet. With a girl crush, Dr. Fisher said, "you won't kill yourself if she doesn't want to jump rope with you." For that reason, girl crushes can give women safe and valuable experience in the emotions of love.
Dr. Fisher, the author of "Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love," said girl crushes are as natural as any other kind of love. But they are romantic without being sexual. Love and lust are distinct urges, Dr. Fisher said.
This was one of the findings she and colleagues from the Albert Einstein College of Medicine and the State University at Stony Brook made when they analyzed brain scans of people 18- to 26-years-old who were experiencing new love. Love and lust, it turned out, could be mapped to several separate parts of the brain.
"The brain system for romantic love is associated with intense energy, focused energy, obsessive things - a host of characteristics that you can feel not just toward a mating sweetheart," Dr. Fisher said, adding that "there's every reason to think that girls can fall in love with other girls without feeling sexual towards them, without the intention to marry them."
Wendy Lim, 26, a student at Harvard Business School, experienced such feelings about a year ago when she met another young woman in a Boston bar. The woman was open and outgoing, and when the evening was over, Ms. Lim very much wanted to talk to her again. "I remember at the end of the night wanting her phone number," Ms. Lim said, who felt awkward about asking. "I wouldn't ask a guy for his number."
As it turned out, the woman asked Ms. Lim for her number. The two saw each other again, and Ms. Lim's crush quickly blossomed into friendship, a friendship the women now cherish.
Keeper
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Survivor...Hopeful...How We Treat People!
Sort of warming up to this blogging business...Today feeling spiritual, grateful, yes I am. I like positive good feeling mindsets around me, it has a tendency to often rub off. Been a long difficult year for me with regard to health problems but I'm getting back on the road to a complete recovery...Still battling with the remnants of a staph infection I acquired while in the hospital when I had surgery a few months ago...but we're getting there. Received these words below from my friend Nancy and would like to share them with you..so here goes..its about the way we treat people.
_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Five lessons to make you think about the way we treat people.?
1. First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name??
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people.? All are significant.? They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello".
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away.
God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others,"
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3. Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson - The Obstacles in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road.? After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.
The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5. Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts.
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare &serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
I hope that you will choose No. 2 and remember,
"Work like you don't need the money,
love like you've never been hurt
and dance like you do when nobody's watching."
Keeper
_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Five lessons to make you think about the way we treat people.?
1. First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.
During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"
Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name??
I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank.
Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.
"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people.? All are significant.? They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello".
I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.
2. Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain
One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.
She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away.
God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others,"
Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.
3. Third Important Lesson - Always remember those who serve.
In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.
"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.
The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.
"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.
The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.
When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.
4. Fourth Important Lesson - The Obstacles in Our Path.
In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.
Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road.? After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.
The peasant learned what many of us never understand!
Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.
5. Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts.
Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare &serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.
I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her." As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.
I hope that you will choose No. 2 and remember,
"Work like you don't need the money,
love like you've never been hurt
and dance like you do when nobody's watching."
Keeper
Friday, August 05, 2005
Near my bedtime but before I go, I must document my thoughts at this time and place, just got through watching all the good, bad, and terrible news reported by CNN, and more disturbedly an opinion expressed in a blog. An opinion expressed although it was out of context but does struck me that it falls into the subject that is weighing on my mind at this time. It makes me chuckle that with all that is going on this world of ours, on the movie review earlier today it was reported that a movie about penquins (an educational movie) is being widely heralded around the nation and is reported to be a top grossing money making flick. Expected to gross at least 40 millions dollars and may be the best movie of the year. If I had the skills and money, I would like to make a movie about friendships/relationships. What an important element in our lives, only not to be given much thought to.
What is friendship (remember now what follows is my opinion only), generally,it is between two persons unrelated by blood, is voluntary, it is reciprocal It seems that in order to have friendship there has to be trust,and again it must be a two-way exchange.There must be empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand another's point of view, to have feelings, to care, and to show sympathy for someone. Then there is HONESTY ( and this is usually the big bad boogey-man)
Telling the truth is usually what will put a strain on a relationship! Next should be confideniality, what you say to each other should stay between you.
Okay,what I said prior to this was rather simplistic and briefly documented, and it would be the relationship that I would prefer, how about you?
But the truth of the matter is that there are unfortunately other categories of relationships that one may have to deal with...pseudo-friendships: Fair Weather and Foul Weather. Unfortunately, there is no crystal ball to predict that any particular friend will turn out reliable! Here are some distinctive friendship types who can cause relationships not to be soooo positive and enjoyable:
1). The promise breaker who constantly breaks promises.
2) The self-absorbed never has time to listen to or have energy for you.
3) The one-upper always one up on you.
Recognizing what might be causing these behaviors and learning how to cope with them could give one peace of mind...but wouldn't you think that it is necessary to get to the root cause?
Anyway moving along, friendship in my minds eye is a two-way street and it is definitely an important function in this world we inhabit. Hope I don't get too introspective too often, this blogging stuff is hard. Wonder if the Henry Doorly Zoo can lead me to where I can buy a baby penquin, perhaps mine will be in the next follow-up movie that is made on penquins. Enough of this introspection stuff, I'm going to hit the sack...
Keeper
What is friendship (remember now what follows is my opinion only), generally,it is between two persons unrelated by blood, is voluntary, it is reciprocal It seems that in order to have friendship there has to be trust,and again it must be a two-way exchange.There must be empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand another's point of view, to have feelings, to care, and to show sympathy for someone. Then there is HONESTY ( and this is usually the big bad boogey-man)
Telling the truth is usually what will put a strain on a relationship! Next should be confideniality, what you say to each other should stay between you.
Okay,what I said prior to this was rather simplistic and briefly documented, and it would be the relationship that I would prefer, how about you?
But the truth of the matter is that there are unfortunately other categories of relationships that one may have to deal with...pseudo-friendships: Fair Weather and Foul Weather. Unfortunately, there is no crystal ball to predict that any particular friend will turn out reliable! Here are some distinctive friendship types who can cause relationships not to be soooo positive and enjoyable:
1). The promise breaker who constantly breaks promises.
2) The self-absorbed never has time to listen to or have energy for you.
3) The one-upper always one up on you.
Recognizing what might be causing these behaviors and learning how to cope with them could give one peace of mind...but wouldn't you think that it is necessary to get to the root cause?
Anyway moving along, friendship in my minds eye is a two-way street and it is definitely an important function in this world we inhabit. Hope I don't get too introspective too often, this blogging stuff is hard. Wonder if the Henry Doorly Zoo can lead me to where I can buy a baby penquin, perhaps mine will be in the next follow-up movie that is made on penquins. Enough of this introspection stuff, I'm going to hit the sack...
Keeper
